JULY 2025 - The easy solution to giving negative feedback
Nearly 50% of people find giving negative feedback stressful or difficult. Surprisingly, nearly as many people avoid giving positive feedback as well. Positive feedback makes people feel appreciated, yet, 6 in 10 people say they don’t receive enough positive feedback at work.
Positive feedback serves three purposes:
1. It makes the person feel positive and appreciated and more likely to do the positive action again (upward spiral of positive development)
2. It makes you feel positive for sharing positive thoughts about a team member
3. It builds a culture of quality feedback which means developmental or ‘negative’ feedback is received in a broader context of all feedback being regular and useful.
Quality feedback does not mean ‘good job’ or ‘well done’ (although these are better than nothing).
Quality feedback is stating:
a) The specific Action that has been done
b) The impact that action has had.
Quality feedback can be positive feedback or developmental/negative feedback
How can you give negative feedback more easily?
The first thing to acknowledge is that people can struggle with hearing what is not working as it can push them into a space of defensiveness. They may only hear it as a criticism rather than a helpful developmental point, no matter how well you word it. As a leader it is natural to not look forward to giving bad news, and as a team member, natural to feel more negative when receiving ‘bad’ news.
When there isn’t a feedback culture, negative feedback can be incredibly jarring. We all have a negativity bias anyway – meaning our brains tend to dwell on what we have done wrong, rather than enjoy dwelling on all the things going right. Negative feedback as the only type of feedback given can be completely demoralising.
It can be useful to think of the metaphor of an emotional bank account. When you give positive feedback it adds to the account, and when you give negative feedback, it is a withdrawal. If you have invested in the emotional bank account and fed back when someone has done a great job, you will be able to withdraw from that emotional bank account if necessary. If you only make withdrawals, then the account will run dry.
High performing teams have a ratio of 5 pieces of positive feedback to 1 negative.
Structure the conversation
Follow the steps below and remember them using the acronym APT. The meaning of apt is being appropriate or suitable in the circumstances - which fits perfectly with how you would want to be when giving feedback.
APT:
Ask the person what they think could be improved or how a project went. They may identify what they could improve without you ever needing to say it.
You could ask a really open question such as ‘How did you find that?’ Or something more specific: ‘What do you think went well, and what could you improve?
Perspective
If you need to encourage the person to think outside their own perspective, you can ask questions that reframe their thoughts.
‘If you were me and you were giving feedback to you, what do you think has worked well, and what not so well?’’
Or:
‘If there was a fly on the wall watching both of us during that project/that meeting/that day/that interaction, what feedback would it give to you and what feedback would it give to me?’
Tell
If the person does not proactively come up with the piece of feedback you wanted to give then you add ‘One thing I would like to add is XXXX (give action and impact), then ask their thoughts on the feedback and discuss.
Feedback Culture
Build a culture of feedback being useful, timely and constructive, given up and down a hierarchy and to peers. A growth mindset welcomes developmental points as it is an opportunity to grow, not an example of failure.
Building a culture always takes time, it cannot happen overnight - that is why it is called culture - culture develops through what is nurtured.
Culture is built through consistent observed values, and values translate into behaviours. What behaviours are observed over time and are valued, noticed, rewarded and respected?
If you often dodge giving difficult feedback or positive feedback, then you are doing a disservice to your team, if something is in someone’s blind spot, they rely on someone else holding up a mirror, sensitively, constructively and aptly.
What could you do to improve the feedback you give and how can you ensure there is a healthy feedback culture in your team?